i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
