I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
3pm strippers are depressing
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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