i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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