I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
