Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
