Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
