when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
