Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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