im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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