im about as happy as oj after his trial
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
