Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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