your parents love me but you hate me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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