is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
