dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
