...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
