I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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