Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
