those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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