You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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