I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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