Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
