it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
