Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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