I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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