Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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