The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just puked most of my soul out..
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