Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
