I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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