I wish I could teleport
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
