Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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