Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
