Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
