I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
