My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
