my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
