There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
