Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
