I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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