Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
