I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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