You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
