So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
