Plan B is the new Plan A
we made out on top of his cat.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
