Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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