I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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