I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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