You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so let's talk penis.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
