I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
