I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
