i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We need to get me chipped asap
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
