She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
