accomplished twins. life is a go
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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