oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
