do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
