I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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